Donald Trump’s H[air] Plugs

Aging houses and aging men have a lot more in common than you would think. Both can get somewhat rickety, develop structural issues, and start sagging a bit. Happens to the best of us in our golden years.

But the best idea so far came from a certain Republican presidential hopeful, who shared his views with us in a phone interview recently. “HAIR PLUGS!”


What did Mr. Trump, the man with the hairdo that has taken America by storm, mean by that outlandish remark?

“The two business secrets that I’ve never shared with anyone before? Hair plugs and air plugs. My hair tells people I mean business, and sometimes, older gentlemen like myself need hair plugs to maintain that truly spectacular appearance.”

But what about those air plugs?

“My buildings are my business. Trust me, I went to the best business school in the world,” the real estate mogul continued.

“You can’t sell leaky homes with drafts and uneven temperatures, and not sealing them up with air plugs is the biggest mistake you can make as a homeowner. I would’ve never made my billions in real estate by owning buildings like that – they’re just not comfortable!”

Mr. Trump, ever the expert in all things, including energy efficiency, went on. “It’s as simple as this. Not sealing your home is the same as leaving a window open 24/7. That’s insane! Leave that kind of nonsense to Rosie O’Donnell.”

While much of what Trump says tends to be rather divisive, his comments about air plugs are well founded. Sealing cracks in your home with caulk can reduce air leakage and create a snugger, more comfortable home. Call Trump at 844-473-2533 to hear what else he has to say about it!

(This post is, of course, fiction, and none of the quotes is real or purports to represent Donald Trump’s views.)

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